


Hold Me Like I'm More Than Just A Friend

by V_eliza



Series: Buddie Week 2020 [7]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bombing, Episode: s02e18 This Life We Choose, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hospitals, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Insecure Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Insecure Evan "Buck" Buckley, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Season/Series 02 Finale, Pre-Season/Series 03, Upset Evan "Buck" Buckley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:15:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26661304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/V_eliza/pseuds/V_eliza
Summary: Buddie Week 2020 Day Seven: Free ChoiceThe thought of Eddie being by his side in what was easily the most terrifying moment of his life gave him hope. Hope for the two of them and their future. But the hope was dwindling. Three days. It had been three whole days since the truck exploded and Eddie was yet to visit.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Buddie Week 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1931581
Comments: 2
Kudos: 149





	Hold Me Like I'm More Than Just A Friend

The last few days had been a blur for Evan Buckley. One second he’s on a firetruck heading to a scene and the next he’s face down on the ground pinned beneath that same firetruck. He doesn’t remember much after Bobby disarming the kid, the pain obviously becoming too much for his brain to handle. However, there are little things he does recall. He remembers Hen telling him to hold on, Chim yelling at the traffic to get out of his way and the sirens deafening him. But there is one thing from the journey that he’s unsure was real or just his mind playing tricks. The feeling of a hand in his, keeping him grounded, reminding him he wasn’t alone. Maybe he imagined it, but he desperately hoped he hadn’t. Why? Because he was sure that hand belonged to Eddie Diaz, the man he’d been in love with for far too long.  
The thought of Eddie being by his side in what was easily the most terrifying moment of his life gave him hope. Hope for the two of them and their future. But the hope was dwindling.   
Three days. It had been three whole days since the truck exploded and Eddie was yet to visit. His best friend hadn’t stopped by once even for a second. He knew the man had been at the hospital, helping drop off patients during his shifts yet he couldn’t spare a minute for Evan. His heart was breaking with every breath he took. The longer he went without Eddie, the more he wished the truck had killed him.  
His loneliness was getting the better of him. He felt hopeless, unwanted, damaged. Who would want to be with a man whose leg was covered in scars, a firefighter who might never be able to fight fires again? No wonder Eddie didn’t want to see him.

* * *

Eddie had walked through the front doors of the hospital countless times in the past three days. He’d make it to the elevator before he’d chicken out and leave again. Seeing his best friend, the man he loved, trapped beneath the truck had broken his heart in ways he never knew it could break. He wanted nothing more at that moment than to take the pain away, to save him. But there was nothing he could do. He was helpless. The only thing he could do was offer Buck words of encouragement and a hand to hold as they freed him from the metal crushing his leg. He never let go of that hand until the doctors wheeled Evan through the emergency room doors. Eddie got out of the hospital as fast as he could, the memories of Shannon breaking his strong façade.   
The truth was that he was scared, terrified even. The thought of losing Evan was soul-crushing and he couldn’t help but feel like life was laughing at him. He’d never truly loved Shannon, not how a husband was supposed to love his wife. Sure he had romantic feelings for her, but neither of them was particularly happy together. He never got the chance to fix things with her before she was ripped from his life. He would never get to apologize for leaving her feeling abandoned when he went overseas, or for reenlisting without discussing it with her. It was strange how two words he never said would haunt him for the rest of his life. It was seven letters and he never said it… I’m Sorry. He just hoped that she knew.  
Getting so close to losing Buck made him consider the things he never told the younger firefighter. Love was a hard thing for Eddie to admit to feeling, let alone confessing it for the best friend he’d ever had. What if Buck didn’t feel the same and he truly did lose him for good? His fear was getting the better of him. He felt helpless, unlovable, broken. Who would want to be with a man too scared to admit his own feelings, a man who continuously let down the people he loved?

* * *

On the morning of Evan's fourth day in the hospital, Eddie finally made it into the elevator and up to Buck's room. The man in question was fast asleep, no doubt exhausted by the physical and emotional trauma of the past few days. Quietly so as not to disturb Evan’s slumber, Eddie sat in the chair nearest to the bed. He gently grasped the same hand that he had held in the ambulance, thankful for the heartbeat he was able to feel. It was impossible to hold back his tears. Four days of emotions erupted from his eyes, streaming down his face too fast to wipe away.  
It was the little drops of water hitting his hand that woke Evan. Each one was like an angels kiss, summoning him back to reality. He opened his eyes slowly, still not used to the bright lights, and turned his head towards the sound of crying.  
“Eddie?”  
“Buck? You’re awake… Uhm hi” Eddie’s words were rushed and slightly muffled as he desperately tried to erase the proof of his crying.  
“How are you feeling?”  
“Everyone keeps asking me that, but I don’t think they want to know the true answer.”  
“I do. Tell me everything, anything.”  
“I felt so scared Eddie. I’m still scared. I close my eyes and all I can see it the kid holding the trigger. It won't go away.”  
“I’m so sorry Buck.”  
“Why? It's not like you blew up the truck…”  
“No, but I wasn’t here for you. That’s what I'm sorry for.”  
“It has been four days Eddie… Everyone has been by and the only person I actually wanted to see never came. Why weren’t you here? I needed you.” Now Buck was the one crying. He’d spent the past few days trying to be strong, to prove to everyone that he was okay but he couldn’t do it anymore. Tears quickly became sobs and Eddie couldn’t help but hold the man as he cried.  
“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.”  
“Why weren't you here? Please tell me.”  
Eddie grasped Evans cheeks in his hands, looking deeply into his eyes. It was now or never.  
“Because I’m in love with you and it scares the crap out of me. It seems like life has been trying to show me how easy it is for someone to be taken from you... One minute everything was okay and I was planning what to do with Chris this weekend and the next I'm watching you pinned beneath a firetruck fighting for your life. I can't lose you, Buck. For a second I thought about what life would be like without you and I couldn’t handle it. It scares me, Evan.”  
“If you were so scared of losing me then why didn’t you come to see if I was okay?”  
“I knew that when I saw you id tell you how I feel. All I could think was ‘what if he doesn't feel the same’, then I would be ruining the best friendship I've ever had and Id lose you from my life.”  
“You could never lose me, Eddie… Now hurry up and kiss me, I've been waiting too damn long.”  
It was a kiss both men could’ve spent forever waiting for. It was perfect and everything they could’ve ever hoped it would be. They'd been through so much much to get here but they would do it all again just for one kiss.  
They were soulmates after all.


End file.
